A couple weekends ago, I took my dad to see the premier of the new season of The Chosen. We've watched every episode together and we're both waiting anxiously for the new episodes to come out! I was glad to see they included a good chunk of Jesus delivering his sermon on the mount. We fully get to meet Judas in these episodes - get a sense of who he is as a young and eager disciple.
Admittedly it's a little hard to watch, knowing where Judas ends up. But the actor portrays him in such an easy way - he's young, he's handsome, and he's excited about following Jesus. He's a likeable guy - and we see the other disciples welcome him into their group easily. And maybe it's my projecting into the scenes a bit, but I swear there's a glint in Jesus' eyes in his encounters with Judas...a hint of sadness already showing up.
But that's not the main thing that hit me in these first two episodes. No, what got me was episode two - when Jesus is preparing the disciples to go out in pairs. He's explaining to them what he wants them to do - that he's giving them the power to cast out demons, to heal the sick....to do what he does. The way it plays out - Jesus is returning to Nazareth for some time while the disciples (now called apostles) go out to the surrounding villages.
Jesus is explaining to them what they'll be doing - what they'll be carrying with them - where they'll be staying. And then Nathanael speaks up. It's kind of a humorous moment - he says he'd expected a little more ceremony to be commissioned... Jesus replies, "This is kind of it..." and Nathanael pauses for a second and says, "I don't feel any different." Jesus says, "I don't need you to feel anything to do great things."
The rest of the episode shows the disciples preparing. And at the end of the episode, they circle up and pray together...wrestling with the heaviness of what they're about the do. They recognize the great magnitude of the job they've been given - and Peter, in particular, is struggling with it all!
I can't help but think back to my calling - about how completely inadequate I felt as a young college student preparing for a career in youth ministry. I didn't fit the mold of what I thought a youth pastor should be. Why in the world would God want me to do this?
I'm 40 years old. I've been in full-time ministry for a total of about 8 years (not counting the time in between full-time ministry jobs). I've been active in some form of ministry since I was in college - whether in camp ministry over the summer, volunteering in children's ministries, interning in college... and I still can't handle the weight of what I do, sometimes.
I can remember when I was starting out in Florida. I had a young group of kids - some of them didn't attend church regularly. They'd come to youth group on Sunday afternoons, go on trips with the group...but they didn't attend worship. Their families didn't attend worship...they didn't know what it was to grow up in the church. And there were times, during youth group lessons, that I really wondered why they were there at all. They didn't seem to care about what I was saying. They didn't care about the lesson I was trying to teach.
I wanted so badly for them to FEEL something for Jesus. I wanted them to connect with this man that I'd grown to love so deeply. And I think the thing that frustrated me most - was that I felt like I was their ONLY lifeline to Jesus. I was the only one telling them about who He is! If they didn't get it from me...they just wouldn't get it...
And that terrified me!
I put a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, that I probably shouldn't have. I tried so hard to be the influence i thought I needed to be...I don't know that I left a whole lot of space for the Holy Spirit to move in...
And in this newest episode of the Chosen, I see a similar sense of wanting and responsibility in Peter. He knows who Jesus is! He has taken it on himself to be the leader of the disciples... and Jesus is asking them to do a BIG job!! And he's scared - Jesus has said they will face persecution...there will be people who don't want to hear what they've got to say...
So what does he do? He prays with his brothers....
Psalm 3
A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.
1 Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
2 Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him.”[b]
3 But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
4 I call out to the Lord,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.
5 I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
6 I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side.
7 Arise, Lord!
Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.
8 From the Lord comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people.
I pray I can remember, as I continue in ministry, that God will guide me.
I pray that I can leave room for the Holy Spirit to work. That the fear and uncertainty I feel will ease as God strengthens me to do His work.
Admittedly it's a little hard to watch, knowing where Judas ends up. But the actor portrays him in such an easy way - he's young, he's handsome, and he's excited about following Jesus. He's a likeable guy - and we see the other disciples welcome him into their group easily. And maybe it's my projecting into the scenes a bit, but I swear there's a glint in Jesus' eyes in his encounters with Judas...a hint of sadness already showing up.
But that's not the main thing that hit me in these first two episodes. No, what got me was episode two - when Jesus is preparing the disciples to go out in pairs. He's explaining to them what he wants them to do - that he's giving them the power to cast out demons, to heal the sick....to do what he does. The way it plays out - Jesus is returning to Nazareth for some time while the disciples (now called apostles) go out to the surrounding villages.
Jesus is explaining to them what they'll be doing - what they'll be carrying with them - where they'll be staying. And then Nathanael speaks up. It's kind of a humorous moment - he says he'd expected a little more ceremony to be commissioned... Jesus replies, "This is kind of it..." and Nathanael pauses for a second and says, "I don't feel any different." Jesus says, "I don't need you to feel anything to do great things."
The rest of the episode shows the disciples preparing. And at the end of the episode, they circle up and pray together...wrestling with the heaviness of what they're about the do. They recognize the great magnitude of the job they've been given - and Peter, in particular, is struggling with it all!
I can't help but think back to my calling - about how completely inadequate I felt as a young college student preparing for a career in youth ministry. I didn't fit the mold of what I thought a youth pastor should be. Why in the world would God want me to do this?
I'm 40 years old. I've been in full-time ministry for a total of about 8 years (not counting the time in between full-time ministry jobs). I've been active in some form of ministry since I was in college - whether in camp ministry over the summer, volunteering in children's ministries, interning in college... and I still can't handle the weight of what I do, sometimes.
I can remember when I was starting out in Florida. I had a young group of kids - some of them didn't attend church regularly. They'd come to youth group on Sunday afternoons, go on trips with the group...but they didn't attend worship. Their families didn't attend worship...they didn't know what it was to grow up in the church. And there were times, during youth group lessons, that I really wondered why they were there at all. They didn't seem to care about what I was saying. They didn't care about the lesson I was trying to teach.
I wanted so badly for them to FEEL something for Jesus. I wanted them to connect with this man that I'd grown to love so deeply. And I think the thing that frustrated me most - was that I felt like I was their ONLY lifeline to Jesus. I was the only one telling them about who He is! If they didn't get it from me...they just wouldn't get it...
And that terrified me!
I put a lot of responsibility on my shoulders, that I probably shouldn't have. I tried so hard to be the influence i thought I needed to be...I don't know that I left a whole lot of space for the Holy Spirit to move in...
And in this newest episode of the Chosen, I see a similar sense of wanting and responsibility in Peter. He knows who Jesus is! He has taken it on himself to be the leader of the disciples... and Jesus is asking them to do a BIG job!! And he's scared - Jesus has said they will face persecution...there will be people who don't want to hear what they've got to say...
So what does he do? He prays with his brothers....
Psalm 3
A psalm of David. When he fled from his son Absalom.
1 Lord, how many are my foes!
How many rise up against me!
2 Many are saying of me,
“God will not deliver him.”[b]
3 But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
4 I call out to the Lord,
and he answers me from his holy mountain.
5 I lie down and sleep;
I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
6 I will not fear though tens of thousands
assail me on every side.
7 Arise, Lord!
Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
break the teeth of the wicked.
8 From the Lord comes deliverance.
May your blessing be on your people.
I pray I can remember, as I continue in ministry, that God will guide me.
I pray that I can leave room for the Holy Spirit to work. That the fear and uncertainty I feel will ease as God strengthens me to do His work.